I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
