I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
