pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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