Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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