can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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