I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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