Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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