She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
