Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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