Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize