So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
