All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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