i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
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since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize