Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
