I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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