She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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