Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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