im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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