dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
