I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
