When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
