so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
