I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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