is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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