So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
