i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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