Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
