it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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