i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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