Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
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