you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
