i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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