ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How naked do you want me to be?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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