what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
