i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
