I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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