I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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