Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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