HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
