try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
