Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Found the puke drawer
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
