Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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