Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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