dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
