you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
