did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
