i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
