When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
