Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
