He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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