Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I smell stomach acid.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
