Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
it wasn't lemon gatorade
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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