put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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