actually, I'm a sock model
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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