Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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