I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
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Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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