Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
