Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
