just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
