My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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