Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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