oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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