I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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