she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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