She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
