She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is wine microwaveable?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
