I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
